The Double-Burden: Societal Expectations Hold Women Back
There's such limited time. And me, personally, I've always felt like how can I maximize Yeah? My time all the time to to be productive Yeah. To get to a space where then I'm like, once I'm there, then I can relax. Right.
Danielle Schleese:And when you get there, you're like, what's next? I have to go to the next thing because then I can relax. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like this never ending loop Yeah.
Danielle Schleese:Until you wake up one
Danielle Schleese:day and you're like, I'm exhausted. Like, I can't I can't keep this up anymore. I feel like I wake up every day and I'm like, I'm exhausted. Exhausted today.
Danielle Schleese:Hey. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Honey Toast podcast. It's Danielle and Brie here, and we are so excited to kick off another episode. And today, we are gonna talk about a concept and a topic that I think is very prevalent in so many areas.
Danielle Schleese:Kinda broad, but It is broad. Yeah. But, I mean, like, there's so many offshoots we can go from, but the the basically, the topic we wanna get into today is
Danielle Schleese:Like a bean sprout.
Danielle Schleese:I love beans. An offshoot would be, what's the topic? Out outdated Outdated belief Beliefs. Systems. Outdated belief systems and things that just aren't clicking and working in society today and and really affect us.
Danielle Schleese:So let's get it. Join us. I mean Join honey honeybee and drizzle d. Bumblebee and drizzle d. Gonna stick.
Danielle Schleese:Honestly, it's pretty cute. It is cute. Okay. Anyway, bear
Danielle Schleese:with us, everybody. We are new here, and we're just trying
Danielle Schleese:to get into it. So today was a tough day because it was one of those days where we were we are full time moms. Yeah. It's a Saturday today.
Danielle Schleese:It was an intense are
Danielle Schleese:full time moms. We both have two children who are all four of them are four and under. So it's full on. It's a lot. When you so what time is it?
Danielle Schleese:It is 9PM. So this is what time we have in the day to actually record and actually work. But here's the thing. You said this earlier. Being able and having the ability and the life to focus on a dream
Danielle Schleese:is such a privilege. Really it really is.
Danielle Schleese:Like, I feel so grateful to be sitting here with you to be able to actually talk. Yeah. And and Actually talk. Yes. I'm grateful that I could talk.
Danielle Schleese:Well, to talk because you can't talk with little kids running around. You're, like Yeah. Always half finishing a thought in a sentence. Yeah. It's like the other day when we were trying to finish, you know, finishing setting up our studio, and then it's not until we get here where like, my gosh, don't have this or don't have that because
Danielle Schleese:An episode overview. I mean, it probably took us three hours to overview and do like the notes for an episode. Yeah. And, you know, I think that that says a lot about this topic for today's episode, which is, you know, I think the biggest key takeaway that we're going to discuss is the myth of having it all. How can you, as a woman or as a parent I shouldn't just say a woman, but we can this is from our perspective.
Danielle Schleese:How can you possibly feel like one area of your life is not being sacrificed at all times? You have
Danielle Schleese:to. You can't have It's it a myth. You can't have it all.
Danielle Schleese:You can, but you can't. Well Yeah. Because we're trying to. Look at us, 9PM on a Saturday night recording after we get our kids to bed. Yes.
Danielle Schleese:Because this is the time that we can try and make our dreams come true.
Danielle Schleese:Mhmm.
Danielle Schleese:And, you know, but I think unfortunately in today's day and age, you need a two person income household. You do. Like, even in most cases. Like you were
Danielle Schleese:saying earlier, there's a work life balance for, like, let's just say, like, a standard working family with both father and mother, like, say, in a parent parent like, a parent role, both have to work. And then what are you doing? You're sacrificing having to spend that time with your child because you have to choose one or the other. But at the same time, a lot of us live in an economy where you don't have that option to not work. Right.
Danielle Schleese:And, I mean, even, like, our generation, the millennials, almost are at that brink cannot afford a house. And I think all the generations coming forward will not be able to buy a house. It's like moving more into this rental kind of state because there's just like not enough way to support having a family without having to do the work as well. So you're kind of having to have this
Danielle Schleese:And it's just so wild. It's like you're paying someone else to be with your kids all day, but you're paying There's
Danielle Schleese:not really a choice.
Danielle Schleese:Less than what you're making. So you oh, anyways, that's a whole
Danielle Schleese:That's, like, such a deep dive into double burden. Right?
Danielle Schleese:Right.
Danielle Schleese:Because you have to parent like you don't have a job and then work like you don't have a kid. Yeah. You're expected to do both of these things and show up in both of these ways where there is a sacrifice. So I feel like as you said, like, we're doing a woman's perspective here, but it kind of accounts for anybody. There is a piece of relatability here because there has to be a shift and conversation in how and why this isn't working and how that affects Mhmm.
Danielle Schleese:The upbringing of children even and just like us and our mentality because even you and I, like, just to find time to talk about what we wanna talk about tonight or on this on these episodes in this show, it does not come without a little bit of sacrifice of being like, can you watch the kids for Right. This amount of time? And then it's even with Wilder, like, Wilder's my son. I can tell when he acts out when I'm not spending as much time with him because he misses me. And I it makes me feel guilty that I'm not spending that time with him.
Danielle Schleese:Right. But I also know that I have to fill my own cup and do my passions too. And you also wanna be
Danielle Schleese:a role model for your kids.
Danielle Schleese:For sure.
Danielle Schleese:You wanna be a role model that is showing them that it's still important to take care of yourself. It's still important to fill your own cup. It's still important to follow your dreams and follow your passions and all of these things. But how can you not feel guilty when your children are having physical and emotional indicators Yeah. That they're lacking in your attention, lacking in your in your time?
Danielle Schleese:And I mean, I feel very, very grateful that I have the ability to be a full time mom.
Danielle Schleese:Mhmm. I was just gonna say because on the flip side too. But also on the flip side of the thought you were just saying from before that, like, I know there are a lot of moms too who go through having babies, and then they cannot wait to go back to work because it is so is, like, beyond So hard. So hard. So hard.
Danielle Schleese:Beyond full time. But it's, a nice space to go back to yourself.
Danielle Schleese:But here's the thing. And this is what obviously something that we very much connect over. I saw a quote. This was ages ago, and it has stuck with me, and it has resonated with me so much. And honestly, sometimes when I, like, feel like I need to go in the bathroom and cry by myself, it it just, like, saves me in that moment.
Danielle Schleese:And the quote was, it's really easy to be a shitty parent.
Danielle Schleese:Mhmm.
Danielle Schleese:It's really hard to be a great one. And I think that that's why we can feel like parenting is I don't wanna say difficult in a way that I'm like, ugh, my kids. I love my kids. I love being with my kids all day. There's for me, there's no better job in the world.
Danielle Schleese:But it doesn't mean that it's not taxing on you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically.
Danielle Schleese:Yeah. Well, when you think about, like, women historically, there was a stat, like, we wrote down here. We'll read it to you in a second. But, it's interesting because women fought so hard for, like, equality and to show up in the world and be treated the same as men. And it's this is where that double burden comes in because it's almost like you're expected to do these invisible chores.
Danielle Schleese:I say chores are, like, kind of contributions, which is just like laundry. And I don't know what it's like for you and your household. It could be Different for everyone. Very spaced out and very evenly balanced. Like there's the invisible work we call it.
Danielle Schleese:Right? The the planning Mental load. Caretaking. The mental load. The the laundry.
Danielle Schleese:Just the housekeeping. The the just living that creating the home.
Danielle Schleese:Getting the kids into programming, getting them into soccer, sports, whatever it is. The the dentist appointments, the doctor's appointments, the school registration.
Danielle Schleese:Expected to show up in a masculine industry in a masculine world because it's like if you wanna be treated equally and you wanna be in the same realm as men in the workforce, you're expected to show up the exact same way and beyond. But Right. Who's taking care of all the other home life Right. On top of that? So it's crazy because, like, back in, you know, ancient times, like, women were really seen as, like, these deities and goddesses, and there was, like, shrines.
Danielle Schleese:And they were the rulers. The rulers. Like, we are literally magic. Yeah. And we bring life into this world.
Danielle Schleese:Like Yeah. I love that one phrase where it's like they say, ladies and gentlemen, instead of addressing a room as ladies and gentlemen, you just say, ladies and women of or children of women. Yeah. Because it's true.
Danielle Schleese:Like, ladies and children of women because it's true.
Danielle Schleese:And we're that's why we're so passionate about it because it's just like the power that we have as women are literally we create life, the world, all the people in this world. And it's just we've been oppressed for so many years. And Just to be seen as equal and even still not paid the same in so many ways Right. We are expected to be everything, which is creates that double burden, is like this, this outdated belief system of all these roles that women have to fulfill. So it's like, Okay, you need to go to
Danielle Schleese:work and you need to bring an income in for your household. You need to be the primary caregiver in most cases to your children. You need to be the one doing all the mental work of the organization of the schedule and the activities and the appointments and all that, making sure that they have diapers and clothes that fit them and shoes that fit them and all their things that they need for school and all that preparation. You need to and again, this is not for every household. Yeah.
Danielle Schleese:But in my experience of a lot of my friends that have a lot of kids, it's like making sure you have the groceries and maybe you're not doing all the cooking. Adulting. Adulting. You're doing all the adulting. All the adulting.
Danielle Schleese:And then you still have to go to work and work like a nine to five schedule. It's crazy. However, what I will say is this is also not like a slam on men whatsoever. No. Because what I think has happened throughout time is that women are kind of pushed into this space of wanting equality, equal rights, equal, you know, everything.
Danielle Schleese:But we have to remember that we are not men.
Danielle Schleese:We are women. Which leads me into thinking we should just maybe touch on the differences between, like, a masculine and feminine femininity. Right? Because we hear those words all the time. But rather than just, like, the physical attributes between masculine and feminine, what do these words energetically energetically really hold?
Danielle Schleese:What does that mean? So I feel like because we live in a very masculine world and just to of sum that up really quickly, that's like a very productive, effective, efficient, like, in our efficient body.
Danielle Schleese:And it's in a twenty four hour cycle,
Danielle Schleese:which is twenty four hour cycle. Cycle. Yeah. Whereas women are we are in a twenty eight day cycle, like with the moon. We are women are represented the feminine energy, which men and women can both hold, but feminine in terms of energetically.
Danielle Schleese:It's a very flowing, intuitive, soft embodiment of that. And I think often in society, that's kind of, like, seen as a weakness Yeah. Versus as how can we contribute to size up to society in a more productive, predominant way.
Danielle Schleese:And, like, work together.
Danielle Schleese:And balance those things. Yeah.
Danielle Schleese:We whether we want to admit it or not, there is a reason that creator, whatever you wanna call it, put both men and women on this planet. And it's because we complement each other perfectly. Yin and yin and yang. The yin and yang. And so we instead of viewing the natural attributes of a woman as lesser than or holding less value Mhmm.
Danielle Schleese:Those are things we need to be celebrating. Like celebrating. Like Yes. Our intuition, our nurturing nature, our compassion, our ability to, you know, feel emotions. Turn a house into a home.
Danielle Schleese:Yes. Like, simplest things when you walk into a bachelor pad, you know it. Know that a woman has never been
Danielle Schleese:in there. Again, we're not matching men at all.
Danielle Schleese:No. But I'm just saying
Danielle Schleese:like No. I know.
Danielle Schleese:No. But I'm saying like, but equal equally to for men Yes. Like men have incredible attributes that we also must celebrate
Danielle Schleese:Mhmm.
Danielle Schleese:Both as communities of men and communities of women. We must celebrate one another. We must celebrate each other. We must celebrate ourselves for the things that are innate in our DNA. Yeah.
Danielle Schleese:And when you can somehow take time to tune into yourself and truly go inward and and think about like, what is it that drives me? Who am I underneath all of the productivity needs of my life? Who am I in my soul, in my heart? What is my passions? What is my life purpose?
Danielle Schleese:And how can I find that? And as a woman, I really feel like tuning in and tapping into your intuition is our greatest gift because it will guide you. It will lead you along the path, but our society does not support that.
Danielle Schleese:Mhmm.
Danielle Schleese:It does not support that. We have not created a system and community that is supporting women tuning in and tapping into that part of themselves that guides them through life.
Danielle Schleese:To say it's okay to do that.
Danielle Schleese:Right. And also, like and even men
Danielle Schleese:because there are some men who embody a lot more feminine qualities and energy versus masculine and vice versa. So it's not saying like men are masculine, females are feminine. It's a balance within each individual. Yes. But, like, innately and biologically, like, with with the cycles, for instance, with a woman.
Danielle Schleese:Yeah. And hormonally, like, it's proven there is a twenty eight day cycle that women go through. Yep. And that is why, like, it it took me I don't even know when I discovered this, probably in my late twenties until I even realized, like, how you can really function and attune into those energies and into those cycles to work with yourself and work with those feelings rather than kind of shaming yourself and being so hard on yourself that you're not showing up consistently all the time, all the ways.
Danielle Schleese:But I think also we have been we believe so deeply that, like, being soft and being feminine and being, like, emotional and being, like, tuned into our feelings is being weak. Totally. And that is the furthest thing from the truth. Honestly, I'm just gonna throw it out there, but I have been thinking this and saying this for so many years. But one of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody looks at another individual and wants to them as being weak and calls them a pussy.
Danielle Schleese:Oh my gosh. What
Danielle Schleese:the fuck?
Danielle Schleese:That is
Danielle Schleese:the like, the biggest that doesn't even make sense.
Danielle Schleese:Because guess what? It takes so much restraint to not say anything, but yes. Guess what?
Danielle Schleese:A pussy stretches, like, 10 times its size. It pushes a human out It but it snaps back. It is the most resilient part of the body
Danielle Schleese:into the world. It is
Danielle Schleese:a portal. Right. And it's the strongest, most epic part of a human body. I mean, that is the
Danielle Schleese:best compliment I think you somebody could get.
Danielle Schleese:That's why anytime if someone were to look at me and be like, you're such a pussy, I'd be like, well, thank you.
Danielle Schleese:Wow. Thank you.
Danielle Schleese:Thank you. What a compliment. Hate to break it to you, but if you blow a little too hard in a nut sack, you're going down. So why all of a sudden is it the pussy that's identified as weak? It's so true.
Danielle Schleese:Power the pussy, baby.
Danielle Schleese:Power the pussy. That's so funny.
Danielle Schleese:But it's just like we've created something within society that has in so many facets and throughout so many avenues identified women or parts of women or attributes of women as somehow lesser than, somehow less valuable. And it all kinda goes back to like if you're a woman in today's world, you're either viewed as weak or as a bitch, almost. Almost, like a little bit. Well, there's definitely, I would say, like,
Danielle Schleese:there was, like, definitely categories that one can fall into. I mean, I think that Like the good Yes. Girl versus The good girl versus the bold woman. Right? Yeah.
Danielle Schleese:Like, it's it's almost like there's god. How do we even sum this up in a sentence? Because this is the kind of topic that just requires so much discussion and conversation because there's so many avenues you can go through. But the good girl archetype is kind of just like who you really think you should show up and how you should be. It's like it really is about acknowledging that this is not a personal failure when you feel inadequate for showing up consistently and not showing up sorry, not showing up consistently in the way that's praised or valued versus it being a systemic failure.
Danielle Schleese:Right. Because this is how it's kind of, like, designed to be valued. And even without going too far into, like, you know, beauty standard Mhmm. Mhmm. Pressures and stuff like that, like, the let's just go back, let's say, the eighties, like, anchor women, the the full makeup, big boobs, blonde hair, blue eyes, like or, you know, you can even go back into, like, without getting too political and historical, but, know, the Nazis and with, like, the World War II, they they wanted to Totally.
Danielle Schleese:Create a specific look and a type of citizen or or
Danielle Schleese:How you look Person. And image and Has power.
Danielle Schleese:Your genetics has power. Has power. And that, again, is a a systemic issue. And how does that work when you're born genetically different? You're feeling inadequate because it's not something that's raised.
Danielle Schleese:Or even if you look at, like, Victoria's Secret models, like, oh, I'm not five ten. I might be looking like one, but I could be five two, but I just cannot make the cut because of of my genetic differences. Right. So you get praised for very physical attributes in this world. You do.
Danielle Schleese:And you get pretty privilege is a real thing. Like, that's a huge, like, trend on TikTok. And Yep. You know, people come out and talk about how does it feel to have pretty privilege, and people can make videos and responses to that. But that's something I wanna emphasize is that acknowledging that feeling of inadequacy of not being able to fulfill all these roles that are kind of expected to be fulfilled as a woman specifically Mhmm.
Danielle Schleese:Is not a personal failure. It really is a systemic failure.
Danielle Schleese:Agreed.
Danielle Schleese:Yep. And that's something that kind of we don't talk about, I think, enough and challenge enough where it reflects back into women who have the ability to try to fulfill all those roles, and they do. But in some way or another, we become exhausted and something gets sacrificed along Our the mental health, our physical health, our emotional health, spiritual health, something's not gonna
Danielle Schleese:And that's just as an individual. Yeah. Let alone the sacrifices that you feel like you're making in your life outside of yourself. Or just like, well, if I'm going to work, then I feel like my I'm sacrificing time with my kids. Well, if I'm spending time with my kids, then I feel like I'm sacrificing my self care or being able to bring in Yes.
Danielle Schleese:An additional income to my household. If I am trying my best to balance those two things, well, then I feel like my friendships and my family relationships are being sacrificed. For I it's every time you turn around, you're exhausted and you feel guilty.
Danielle Schleese:The amount of time self care was sac is sacrificed to the day. All the time. It's the sound the sound of it is so nice. Like, a ritual, a morning ritual, like a self care day. It's almost like it's such a privilege to have that.
Danielle Schleese:Yeah. And it's almost like, for instance, oh, a birthday a birthday is coming up. So it's like, a massage would be great. Where it's just like, why can't we enforce having, like, a massage with yourself or your partner every other night? Make that like a regular routine.
Danielle Schleese:Every other night. Girl.
Danielle Schleese:I know. Well, this may I would love that. I am. But I'm just saying, like, there's such limited time. And me, personally, I've always felt like, how can I maximize Yeah?
Danielle Schleese:My time all the time to Yeah. Be productive to get to a space where then, like, once I'm there, then I can relax. Right. And when you get there, you're like, what's next? I have to go to the next thing because then I can relax.
Danielle Schleese:Yeah. Yeah. It's just like this never ending loop Yeah. Until you wake up one day
Danielle Schleese:and you're like, I'm exhausted. Like, I can't I can't keep this up anymore. Day, I feel like I wake up every day and I'm like, I'm exhausted. Today. Can I tell you how many times I hit snooze on my alarm?
Danielle Schleese:And then until finally, one of my kids wakes me up. And I'm like, well, so much for that morning routine I was hopeful for.
Danielle Schleese:Was just
Danielle Schleese:too exhausted.
Danielle Schleese:Well, lucky for me. Now I have one of your children as my alarm clock. You're welcome.
Danielle Schleese:And every morning, she literally gets out of bed because I snuck out of bed so that I could go wake her up. Perfect.
Danielle Schleese:I always think that I'm gonna hear you being like, don't go in her room. But I'm like, I secretly think that you tell her to go into my room.
Danielle Schleese:I I'm there. 100% do not. I literally don't even know that she leaves. Okay. So currently, we're all staying in a house together.
Danielle Schleese:And my oldest daughter, who is four, is sleeping in my bed with me because we're limited on on rooms. Yeah. And she is so stealth. She is a four year old ninja. She sneaks out of those covers and out of that room like, like, know when people are, like, walking backwards and, like, looking.
Danielle Schleese:She is very quiet. Like, I only hear her I can and I don't she's whispering to me. Like, I'm awake
Danielle Schleese:when she leaves, but I'm like, my eyes are closed. You know?
Danielle Schleese:Yeah. And I don't know.
Danielle Schleese:I I literally don't know that she's in
Danielle Schleese:the room. Anyways
Danielle Schleese:ear. By ent. Can I wake up wilder? Yeah. I'm like, yeah.
Danielle Schleese:Go ahead.
Danielle Schleese:As long as you don't wake me up nor did I
Danielle Schleese:Get out of here.
Danielle Schleese:Without going off too far on tangent, I just have to tell you. But say when I was laying at the pool and I was like getting like a thirty minute charge Yeah. In the sun. I was like, just about to fall asleep. She walks up to me and she's like, are you sleeping?
Danielle Schleese:I'm like, well, not now. Shocker. I was like, I can't. I can't. She's just so sweet.
Danielle Schleese:You're just so sweet. Yeah. I'm like, can't So sweet. React. I'm just like, she's just anyway.
Danielle Schleese:I know. Off topic.
Danielle Schleese:Anyways, to bring it back to bring it back to, you know, where we're going, I think that something that we can all work at, and we can work together on this. And I think that this is such a great community topic of discussion is how can we redefine having it all? Like, truthfully, how can we redefine what that means for each of us as an individual? Because I think that that's the other problem is that there's like this overcasting image of what that looks like, but we're all different. Why on earth would we all try and have the exact same life Yeah.
Danielle Schleese:And the exact same balance and the exact same dreams and hopes and goals and achievements and all these things, we're all different. So I think that each individual needs to sit with themself and ask themself that question. Like, what does it mean having it all for me? What does that look like? Such a
Danielle Schleese:good question.
Danielle Schleese:What actually makes me feel fulfilled?
Danielle Schleese:What brings me joy? What brings me joy?
Danielle Schleese:What makes my heart feel happy?
Danielle Schleese:That is such a prominent question.
Danielle Schleese:And then when you can start to figure out those answers, then you kind of do a backtrack on it. Mhmm. Like, let's work our way back. Mhmm. Well, what are the steps in order to be able to get there?
Danielle Schleese:Like, what does that look like for me? And making change in your life is so hard. It is so hard. It's so scary. It is you feel sometimes You don't even know you need
Danielle Schleese:a change sometimes.
Danielle Schleese:You're stepping off of a ledge into the abyss, and you have no idea what's down there. But are you really happy with where you're at on that ledge? Mhmm. Like, in that limited small space that you're currently living in? Like, is that bringing you joy?
Danielle Schleese:Because what what where's the risk fall? Like, what is the bigger risk? Staying in that small contained space of unhappiness or jumping off the ledge and seeing what life has for
Danielle Schleese:you. Well, that's the thing too. I feel like a lot of situations, a lot of people might feel like are inevitable or that's just the way their life can be and is formed in a lot of situations are. Like, this you have to work. You have to put your kid in day care or you want to or whatever.
Danielle Schleese:Yeah. You have to do x, y, and z, and this is the way life is. Otherwise, these things are gone. This person's out of your life. And this is just the way life is.
Danielle Schleese:I accept it. I may not be happy about it. I might not be enjoying it, but I accept it. But what you just said by just simply taking a step back and observing I don't know why had to pronounce every letter of that word. Observing.
Danielle Schleese:Observing every area of your life and just asking the question is a huge, huge step. Huge. What brings me joy? How do I feel joy? And it's such a tough question.
Danielle Schleese:It's so funny because I've even asked myself that question so many times, and I'm like, I feel like my life is great. But what truly brings me joy? I'm like, you know, when you do those partner questions and stuff. And I find it very difficult to answer because I'm like, okay. True joy.
Danielle Schleese:When have I felt true joy? And it's not like change your life. Leave this person. Change this job. Move to this country.
Danielle Schleese:It's not we're not saying that at all. We're just saying take a look at the lens look at your life through a lens a little bit further back and just analyze where it is you feel For example happy and what that success looks like for you.
Danielle Schleese:For example, I think that we also have this, like, constant invisible pressure of what we should be doing. And so it's like, oh, my, you know, neighbors are having this party tonight. It's a potluck. They invited me. But you had a really hard week at work or with your kids or at home or with your partner or with your family or whatever, and you feel like you desperately need a night to just, like, turn in.
Danielle Schleese:Mhmm. Turn into yourself. Have a bath. Do a meditation. Do some breath work.
Danielle Schleese:Read a book. Do a journal entry. Whatever it is. But because you're like, oh, I don't wanna let those people down, and I already committed.
Danielle Schleese:So true.
Danielle Schleese:And I told them I would be there, and, like, I don't wanna be that girl. Let me tell you something, that girl. Nobody's gonna care that you weren't there.
Danielle Schleese:If you That's I would care that you're not there.
Danielle Schleese:That's not an you know what I mean? And I'm not saying that in an offensive way, but I'm just saying, like, the world will not crumble if you don't go to that one thing.
Danielle Schleese:Also, is that not just the innate state of who a human is?
Danielle Schleese:Like Because we feel it.
Danielle Schleese:We put ourselves last. It's so easy to put ourselves last until we come to a point of crumbling. The breaking point. A breaking point. Yeah.
Danielle Schleese:Because it's and it I've done this so many times with myself. I'm like, it is so easy to put off what I need to do for myself
Danielle Schleese:Yep.
Danielle Schleese:So I can show up better Totally. For this person. And you think you're showing up better because you're there for that person first. But if you do not do that first thing for yourself, it'll always backfire eventually just depending on when.
Danielle Schleese:And, honestly, like, this is something that I've had to learn for myself big time. I grew up in a household that was very much I'm gonna preface this by saying my mom is an angel. She really is. You know her. I mean, my mom is an absolute angel, but I grew up in a household where my mom very much always put herself last.
Danielle Schleese:And that's not that's not, like, an insult towards her. That was just the reality of the situation. My parents ran their own company. Mhmm. They had three children.
Danielle Schleese:They were not financially well off. They did everything that they could to sustain life for us and have us in programming and dance, soccer, whatever. And so when you're raised by a female that essentially has zero percentage of her life and energy put towards self care, you have to, as a woman, learn that. Like, I am now as a mom and a wife and and and a human and a woman in this world trying to find ways and not feel guilty.
Danielle Schleese:That was so sad.
Danielle Schleese:I cannot even tell you. I I'll never forget this day. I was exhausted. I had a rough night with Lily, my youngest daughter, the night before. I hadn't slept well.
Danielle Schleese:We had been traveling. Something was going on. Anyways, I was like it was it was like a rough handful of days, five, six, seven days. Mhmm. And I had this one day where I was like, I am gonna go it was like two in the afternoon.
Danielle Schleese:Lily was napping. Aubrey was there, but she was chilling. I was like, I'm gonna go in the bedroom, and I'm gonna have a bath in the middle of the day. Okay. In the middle of the day.
Danielle Schleese:And I sat in the bath, and
Danielle Schleese:I
Danielle Schleese:cried. And I feel like I cried for, like, so many reasons. Mhmm. I cried because I felt guilty that I was not momming Mhmm. Middle of the day.
Danielle Schleese:I I felt like I cried because I was like, why is it so hard for me to take care of myself? I feel like I cried because
Danielle Schleese:I'm just saying cry. It's gonna make me cry. I feel like I'm probably my eyes are tearing
Danielle Schleese:because I was freaking exhausted. Yeah. Like, it was just this this moment in my life that made me realize that, holy shit. Like, I don't wanna end up like a mom that is showing my daughters that you can't take care of yourself. Mhmm.
Danielle Schleese:And so at literally, I'm not joking you. After that day, when my my kids get very upset every time I separate from them. It is it is it is true love. It's true love. But now I feel like I felt such an angst separating from them before.
Danielle Schleese:Mhmm. Whereas now, like, if I'm leaving to go to the gym or if I'm leaving to go to a Pilates class or even if I'm leaving to True. You know, I don't go out for lunch with my friends. I really don't have that many. But if I'm, like, leaving to go and do something for myself Yeah.
Danielle Schleese:I'm I feel so much more grounded in my response to them. Mhmm. Which Wonderful. Which is it's important that mommy takes care of herself too so that I can show up and be the best version of myself as a mom for you. Mhmm.
Danielle Schleese:Just and and I'll say, you know, to Aubrey, like, you know when Lily like, you and Lily are having, like, a hard day, and sometimes you just need, like, your own separate time so that you can refuel and, like, regat your energy. I was like, it's important that mommy does that for herself too. But why was it so hard? Why is it so hard for a mom and a woman to feel like they can do that for themselves and not feel guilty? I think
Danielle Schleese:there's also too a spectrum of of people out there, obviously. Goes without saying. But like
Danielle Schleese:Of course.
Danielle Schleese:You know, even single mothers, which I don't even know how you single mothers out there do it. Like, you should be given awards. 100%. Financial abundance rewards from the government. Because you're you're just raising the world here.
Danielle Schleese:You're raising little humans that are gonna be part of this society. Really might ask that question, like, can I have the luxury of doing that? Like, it's it's really like when you're going postpartum, they say just being able to have a shower is a gift. It is. Right?
Danielle Schleese:But I feel like if you're in a partnership, I mean, these are topics I think we're gonna really dive deep into, like relationships, navigating partnerships, and new motherhood and identity crisis. Like, this is just all the kind of topics we really wanna go further into and explore in this season together. I think today is just kind of like an overview of the concept of an outdated belief system, which is this double burden that we're talking about of being able to show up in all these different areas. But Redefining that for yourself. And for yourself.
Danielle Schleese:Yeah. So I think that for today to kind of like really what you can take away from this conversation, and our conversations just, like, never end. They just keep going and keep going, is to really analyze that those moments or just catch those moments when you're feeling that, like, I'm feeling really authentic and happy in my day and myself, and I'm really enjoying this moment. And and just say, why is that? Is that because I just had, like last night, had a moment to myself so I could recharge, Or this morning, I have a little bit more support so I could step away and then come back to.
Danielle Schleese:Or it's just it's just really about kind of, like, questioning the norm or, like, questioning the day. Like, questioning what's going on. And being And serving a
Danielle Schleese:bit more. A place where you're able to get so in touch and in tune with yourself that you don't feel like you have
Danielle Schleese:to justify it. Yeah. You don't feel like you have
Danielle Schleese:to explain yourself to anyone because showing up for yourself and showing up in the world as your most authentic self, no matter what that looks like, it's all good. That's all you need. And it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, says, feels about it. Like, that's what you gotta do for you because the ripple effect will will happen. Yes.
Danielle Schleese:So kudos to us women for being the best. Trying to figure it out. We're trying to just so you know, we are we're also trying to figure it out.
Danielle Schleese:This is why we have these conversations. Well, this is exactly why, you know, we're starting this podcast is because we wanna evoke these types of conversations and trains of thoughts. And and, like, you guys can find us on Instagram at the honey toast podcast. We're gonna be on TikTok, on YouTube shorts. This is a visual podcast.
Danielle Schleese:So if you wanna see what we look like, you can come check us out. Take a peek. Take a peek. And then also, we would love to hear from you and interact and connect with you guys. And if this is something that really spoke to you, this type of conversation and this kind of topic, we would really love to hear from you.
Danielle Schleese:Send us a DM. Send send us a message, or just we will be on social so you can comment on a post. And we just love it would love to connect and further conversations
Danielle Schleese:because we're real people too. And as much as we have each other, like, the bigger the community, the better. Mhmm. We're gonna need women.
Danielle Schleese:Yes. And people need people. Like, you know, this is what life is about, connection, friendship, experience. So thank you guys so much for joining us today. It was so nice to spend this time with you.
Danielle Schleese:We really appreciate you spending the energy and time. And we look forward to chatting a little bit more on next episode, which I believe we're gonna get into a bit more of Identity and cycles
Danielle Schleese:of change.
Danielle Schleese:Cycles of change, which is, again, a huge topic. I think this season is just about tackling these massive Overviews. Overviews of topics. And then as the seasons will go on, we'll start to really Get into the nitty gritty. Yeah.
Danielle Schleese:Get into that nitty gritty.
Danielle Schleese:And all that jazz.
Danielle Schleese:Alright. Thank you guys so much, and we will see
Danielle Schleese:you soon. We hope to hear from you. Honey toast,