Danielle Schleese: 00:00

Friendships are often seen as easier than romantic relationships, but the truth is they're just as complicated. Some friendships last a lifetime, others fade, and some even end in heartbreak. So today, we are diving into how to build deep connections, how to navigate friendship breakups, and also how to keep long distance friendships alive. Pros at that. Like ours.

Danielle Schleese: 00:26

I'm really excited about this episode because I feel like we do have a lot of Experience. Experience with this one. With experts.

Briana Donaldson: 00:33

We are experts on the long distance friendship Yeah. Category and the extremely close distance friendship. Close distance friendship.

Danielle Schleese: 00:42

Yeah. So I think it's really important for us to set the intention for today's episode, which is acknowledging that friendships are sacred, but they do require a lot of effort and an emotional intelligence and constant growth in order to thrive. So let's jump right in. Let's just start. How do we how do we become long distance best friends?

Danielle Schleese: 01:10

Because I never pictured my life without you. And I think that's why I send you so many memes about us ending up together, like, being neighbors or buying houses and conjoining them. I know. Because I just I love spending time with you. And then the fact that it's so crazy that you are actually, like, my most long distance friend.

Danielle Schleese: 01:31

Actually, Rachel, she lives in Australia, and that's tough too. That's true. But, you know, when you have a good bond with somebody when you get back together and it's like not even a day has gone by, that's how things are with you?

Briana Donaldson: 01:41

Well, we were more like sisters, really. I mean, we grew up dancing together. We had every job together. Then we were roommates and we lived together. I mean, we were basically glued glued at the hip for so many together.

Danielle Schleese: 01:56

And now here we are doing our second project together, which is just so full circle because this is something I've always dreamed and wanted to do with you. And it's just like even though we live in separate countries, we're able to make something like this work.

Briana Donaldson: 02:06

Making our dreams come true together.

Danielle Schleese: 02:09

My dream includes you. Same. I'm like, who else do I wanna spend my time with other than my friends? Right? Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 02:14

Family? And your family. Obviously. Without without saying. Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 02:18

But I just find it so ironic how we how we got here. We I mean, we definitely had our ups and downs. Yes. And some sometimes the distance was a little further than I would have liked it to be.

Briana Donaldson: 02:28

We we have gone on a break twice. Yeah. We've we've take taken a break.

Danielle Schleese: 02:34

Maybe two and a half times. We were both like, well, we need

Briana Donaldson: 02:36

a breath of fresh air, but but it's all about coming back together. And I think, you know, I for us, I think that what was able to bring us back together after those challenging times is communicating.

Danielle Schleese: 02:51

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 02:51

Is communicating about what we were both going through in those times, communicating about what we needed from each other or what we weren't able to provide for that other person during that time.

Danielle Schleese: 03:03

We realized how much a part of you like, a part of me that you were. Yeah. And when it when we weren't in each other's lives, the extent that I would have liked it to be, you feel like a part of you is missing.

Briana Donaldson: 03:16

Missing. Totally.

Danielle Schleese: 03:17

So we do have a very amazing Bond. History and bond because we've gone through so much of our lives together, and that's not always the case for a lot of people who are who have best friends or long distance. Like, everyone's story is obviously very different. But for you and I, like, we've grown up together in so so many different ways and gone through so many life's challenges that when I found that we were distant and didn't have that, not just, like, physically, but emotionally as well Yeah. It was like a piece of me was missing because you you are your environment, your product of the people you surround you with yourself with.

Danielle Schleese: 03:51

And I felt like and I think when we were saying the intro, like, a heartbreak, that's something we have both experienced and felt with a friend. And it's almost like it's it's an underspoken about topic because with friendships and females, it's so it could be so easy to, like, fizzle and fade away and not really deserve Right. The type of conversation. Like, luckily, we did come

Briana Donaldson: 04:10

back together through those communication. Well, and I think because, like I said, we both put in the effort. We both put in the work in order to obtain that. But, also, I think some friendships are okay if they fizzle out and fizzle away. We all change.

Briana Donaldson: 04:21

We all grow.

Danielle Schleese: 04:22

Yeah. There's different seasons of life. Yeah. But I think it's about acknowledging whether that person's, like, really a part of of if you want that person part of your life and your story to continue and kind of how to navigate continuing that. So there's there's various segments and topics we need to go through here today

Briana Donaldson: 04:39

and talk about First and foremost, I think that when making decisions of who you feel and want to be your closest friends in your life, you have to ask yourself some really profound questions, which is do I feel emotionally safe with this person? You know? Do I feel bonded with this person? Do we share the same values? You know?

Briana Donaldson: 05:05

Because I think that in order to

Danielle Schleese: 05:09

Yeah. I think this is, like, the base of building a friendship to start with. Right? So it's like when you're building a friendship and you really wanted to gain a deep connection, I think this is a jump off point from our previous episode, which was, like, community and, like Mhmm. Creating the type of people and life and surrounding you would like to have and support.

Danielle Schleese: 05:26

It's really about building that quality friendship. So in order to build those types of deep connections, this is exactly what we need to see in a friendship, and it's so much easier said than done. But some people you just meet and you click with right away. Like, you and I were always in each other's lives, And then it wasn't until, like, our later teens that we were like, wow. Like, I really enjoy enjoy spending time with you.

Danielle Schleese: 05:46

It doesn't doesn't so happen that we're in the same class or the same dance class and and all these things. Yeah. You know? So I would say, like you said, find somebody or call on somebody who you can create an emotional and vulnerable space with. Jumping off of our last episode.

Briana Donaldson: 06:03

Yeah. And Be the kind of friend to others that you would wanna have in your own life. Show Golden rule. Golden rule. Do unto others and, you know, show up in a way that you feel that you would want or need a friend to show up for you in your own life.

Briana Donaldson: 06:20

I think that that's pretty standard. But sometimes friendship can be a one way street. So

Danielle Schleese: 06:25

Yeah. I mean, I I think we can kind of jump into, like, when you can acknowledge when friendship would end because I think we really talked about that a lot previously in our last episode about, like, navigating new friendships and new connections. Mhmm. But in terms of, like, moving on to that next stage of growth for yourself and that person. Like, sometimes their frequency doesn't match yours, so it's misaligned.

Danielle Schleese: 06:53

And that's when you really have to make that conscious decision. Like, is this somebody that I want in my life? Mhmm. And how do I, quote, unquote, break up with them? Because personally, in my life, like, remember my early twenties, there was somebody who was, like, involved in my life through my past, but they were also kind of in my present and it was she was, like, coming around more and more, but I was like, I don't really know how I feel about this person.

Danielle Schleese: 07:15

Mhmm. And my indecision and uncertainty kind of, like, bet off on how she treated me back. Right. So it was like this underlying kinda I don't wanna say toxic I wasn't toxic. Friends, but

Briana Donaldson: 07:31

you both kinda knew that you weren't really great friends.

Danielle Schleese: 07:33

So And then I was like feeling me being made feel guilty for not being the friend that I'm expected to be. So it was like this was the person in my life at the time where I was like, I know that I don't really care to have them in my life. Right. Like, it required, for me, a lot more mental energy and effort to keep around. So it was like, oh, it was this weird, I guess, for me, that was kind of this weird breakup that was almost messy.

Danielle Schleese: 07:59

Mhmm. And it was, like, kind of that person that, you know, if they post about you and they say things about you, they're like, that's definitely about me. And you, like, send it to your friends. I'm like, this bitch. But not actually.

Danielle Schleese: 08:10

I just like, oh, wow. I can't believe she feels that way about me. Like, just say to my face and it creates, like, all this toxicity. So it kind of is like a breakup, but you never Yeah. Think of it like that because you're like, that's just a friend.

Danielle Schleese: 08:18

It's like whatever.

Briana Donaldson: 08:19

Right.

Danielle Schleese: 08:19

It's not like a romantic partner in my life. They don't deserve that same, like, title of a breakup almost. But I I, like, look back on my life. I see this pattern. I've, like, I've had quite a few friendship breakups thinking about it now because I'm, like, I actually missed those people in my life, or they've even faded away and, like, fizzled.

Danielle Schleese: 08:40

Yeah. And I look back now and I'm like, when and where did we fizzle and fade and how? Yeah. And you almost, like, can't go back to that status of what you had before Yeah. Because you, like, feel a little awkward reaching out, and then you only have, like

Briana Donaldson: 08:52

And life goes on. Like, people get busy and you get families and jobs and life and you move and things change. And it's it's very challenging to maintain friendships as you get older and you start a family and you're busy with work and all these things. But yeah. I mean, personally, I obviously have had several friendships over the years that have fizzled out, but one very blatant breakup.

Briana Donaldson: 09:19

Oh, yeah? Which I was very clear about.

Danielle Schleese: 09:22

Oh,

Briana Donaldson: 09:22

yeah. And it was definitely more like a relationship breakup where I was I'm a very blunt person.

Danielle Schleese: 09:28

Was Yeah. You're very We know I'm very direct. Spoken. I'm very direct. You're a feisty one.

Danielle Schleese: 09:33

A little bit. She's a feisty one, is she?

Briana Donaldson: 09:35

But I made a very conscious decision that once that person had crossed the line one too many times, I addressed it directly to her face. And I said, I will not accept this in my life. You are no longer my friend. I don't want you around. And that's

Danielle Schleese: 09:52

it for me. I think there's, like, three very main clear reasons why friendships end. There's toxic relationships Which was the case in that scenario. Yeah. Toxic dynamic, growing apart Right.

Danielle Schleese: 10:07

Different life phase, and there's underlying resentment, I think. I wanna I feel

Briana Donaldson: 10:15

like there's a fourth, though, which is kind of something that you were just saying, which is where you genuinely just kind of fizzle even if maybe you don't want to. But it's just like you both kind of end up in these different stages of life that occupy your energy and attention. And then you kind of start surrounding yourself with the people that are more involved in that stage of your life. And you just slowly, naturally, gradually drift apart. But it's not because you don't like them or it was toxic or any of those first three things.

Briana Donaldson: 10:43

It just happened that way. Yes. I just thought of another friendship that I remember fizzling away. It's also like I now that I'm talking about it

Danielle Schleese: 10:51

and thinking about it, they they are very shifting points in my life. Like, specific one, I was 18. You know, you're ending high school. Some people are going to university or college. Other people are going to jobs, so they're taking a year off.

Danielle Schleese: 11:03

And and if you don't have that space of friendship and connection where you have allowed the other to be vulnerable with you and share or, like, be conscious enough to ask and be emotionally intelligent enough to Communicate. Communicate. Like, for instance, I remember my girlfriend at the time was going through, like, a very bad family time. Like, I believe her parents were, like, divorcing at the time, and I I didn't really know. Right.

Danielle Schleese: 11:31

And I almost, like, was oblivious to it. Mhmm. So because that was, like, causing her a lot of mental turmoil, like, I just wasn't there in the way that she needed to me me to be. Right. So she didn't communicate that to me, and I didn't and so it just, a dual ended thing, but also, like, that was a huge reason why we grew apart.

Danielle Schleese: 11:45

But then there was also, like, a resentment that came from underneath that. So, like, even exes that I had after that, like, this girl would intentionally, like, go for them and even existing boyfriends. It was just it was wild because I was just an example of like a toxic relationship in my life. It's almost like you have to go through these sometimes to realize like you don't want them. So it's not like we're here trying to be like, these are the things you should avoid in life.

Danielle Schleese: 12:07

I think that It's all a growth experience. Every experience is this.

Briana Donaldson: 12:11

You know what?

Danielle Schleese: 12:12

What's But how do you get through it?

Briana Donaldson: 12:13

What's that, saying where it's like, you know, some people are a page in your book of life and some people are a chapter. But either way, like, it's

Danielle Schleese: 12:25

a part it's a part of your story

Briana Donaldson: 12:26

and it's part of your makeup and who you are. Yeah. And that's okay. It's all okay how it how it transpires.

Danielle Schleese: 12:32

Yeah. And I think it's also like how do you get through it and how do you navigate it? Because some definitely affect you more than others. Well, I

Briana Donaldson: 12:40

think that if you're in a situation where it's a potential friendship breakup, you really have to decide and know when to let go.

Danielle Schleese: 12:53

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 12:54

And I think that that can be really hard, especially for women because I feel like, oh, I don't want to disappoint, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I don't want to, you know, other people to look at me like I'm a bad person because I basically told

Danielle Schleese: 13:05

her to her face that I don't want to

Briana Donaldson: 13:06

be friends anymore or, you know, whatever whatever it is. But at the end of the day, like, if you want quality in your life and you want to be happy and fulfilled and cut cut the fat, so to speak, like, you have to be willing to make hard decisions and you have to be willing to end relationships that are no longer serving you or bringing something that's detrimental to your life and your energy.

Danielle Schleese: 13:29

Do you find that's like with, let's say, female friendships versus, like, a romantic relationship? Because I find romantic relationships, even though they're seen as different and more complicated, but it's like, I don't know what it is, but with a romantic relationship, when you're going through a breakup for the most part, there's a lot of, like, aftermath and lingering maybe because there's, like, that romantic aspect

Briana Donaldson: 13:53

Yeah. Linked

Danielle Schleese: 13:53

to it. So you have, like, a different part of your heart, I guess. Yeah. And, like, maybe guess the gaze of the opposite sex or the same sex or whatever relationship that you were in Right. Versus, like, with just a platonic friendship, it's, like, easier to cut off because you're, like, whatever.

Danielle Schleese: 14:08

It's just to hang out or whatever. I guess so. That?

Briana Donaldson: 14:11

I think it depends on who you are probably.

Danielle Schleese: 14:13

I guess. Because it's like I'm not I'm not a cut

Briana Donaldson: 14:16

and dry kind of person.

Danielle Schleese: 14:17

But that's how I felt, like, with with certain female friendships. So I was like, yep. Done. You're of my life. And I'm like, I'm easy to turn the other way.

Danielle Schleese: 14:23

Yeah. Whereas, like, with the romantic partners and relationships, even though they might have cost me much worse than any female relationship Right. Platonic relationship for me in my life had, I would still talk to them Yeah. And go back and maybe try it again. Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 14:38

Like, why is it messier as a romantic relationship versus that platonic relationship? It's a different part of the heart. Yeah.

Briana Donaldson: 14:45

Different part of the heart and mind.

Danielle Schleese: 14:47

So interesting. But there is a there definitely was some female friendships that I would say it wasn't the heartbreak that made it hard and made me think of them anymore. It was more like the fading away because all of a sudden you you wake up and you realize you're like, this person's, like, no longer part of my life where memory pops up and you're like, oh my god. That was so Yeah. What happened to them?

Danielle Schleese: 15:07

Like, where are they? Why why did we stop being friends? Like and there's no explanation for it. And so you try to reconnect, but it's just never the same.

Briana Donaldson: 15:13

Yeah. I feel like that's like a couple of my roommates from university. Yeah. I love them so much, but we just, like, drifted apart.

Danielle Schleese: 15:22

Yeah. Sad. It is sad. Miss my roommate. No.

Danielle Schleese: 15:25

We do. So great. But now we, like, live in different cities. I have a family. I literally lived, like, two hours away.

Briana Donaldson: 15:32

Yeah. It's just it's it's It happens.

Danielle Schleese: 15:34

Time job. It's just But it's also I think it's important

Briana Donaldson: 15:36

to release the guilt. Yes. Like, release the guilt of friendships that didn't last. Release the guilt of friendships that didn't work out.

Danielle Schleese: 15:44

What's that look like?

Briana Donaldson: 15:44

It's a conscious choice. Does that mean

Danielle Schleese: 15:47

reconnecting with them and, like, expressing to them that you miss them and see how they feel? Or

Briana Donaldson: 15:51

I think that that's a personal decision. That's not how I that's not how I am. I think for me, everything is within, not externally.

Danielle Schleese: 15:59

Oh, for see, for me, I'm like, I literally have friends from high school. One of my best friends from high school, one of my best friends when I was in university who was my roommate, I'm like, I consciously try to even though we have our friendship just kinda faded. There was like no big explosive breakup or anything. Like, there was nothing that happened. Our life just kinda faded away.

Danielle Schleese: 16:16

Mhmm. But I find myself, like, still wanting to reach out to them and talk to them and I'll think of them and I'll, like, send them things that make me think of them because I do have so much love for them. And it it, like, makes me I guess it's not heartbreak, but it makes me feel sad that they're, like, not in my life the way that they were before. Yeah. But when I look back at my time with them, it's, like, looked at with so much love and admiration.

Danielle Schleese: 16:38

I'm like, I wish I knew now that that this was my time. Right. Right. And I, like, I nurtured it or, like, savored it before. Because some I remember, like, after high school, was, like, so involved in dance that I barely was involved in, like, groups, but I was, like, kind of remember, like, YouTube, like, kind of friends with everybody, but kinda, like, not, like, deep in a clique.

Danielle Schleese: 16:55

Yeah. And all these girls, like, went on after high school to become best friends in university. We're in each other's weddings, and I would just like

Briana Donaldson: 17:02

Let's take all the girls from my high school too.

Danielle Schleese: 17:03

And you, like, look at a bar from on. I'm like, this is so beautiful that they all have this connection with each other, but a part of me is, like, jealous because I'm like, I wish I had something like that with those girls. Well, we do. We do. But, I mean, like, at the time when you're, like, in your early twenties and it's after you or high school and stuff.

Danielle Schleese: 17:18

Funny. Have a totally different experience.

Briana Donaldson: 17:19

What's yours? I mean, I look at the girls that I went to high school with, and I'm like, oh my gosh. That's so great that they're all friends, but I'm totally fine that I'm not a part of it. Oh, yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 17:27

I love my kids. Oh, I'm not, like, jealous. I'm like, wait. You should include me. I'm just like, oh, that's like I I think it's beautiful.

Danielle Schleese: 17:33

Yeah. Or I'm just like, oh, I could have made more effort and been in there. Yeah.

Briana Donaldson: 17:39

But anyway I'm so satisfied with the I am so satisfied too. And quantity of friends that I have now. Me too. First of all, because it is the greatest friendships I've ever had in my life at this stage in my life because I'm really only have, like, 10 friends. That's a lot of friends.

Briana Donaldson: 17:54

Well, I mean, it's you five and then my Toronto girls and Alyssa.

Danielle Schleese: 17:58

Yeah. True. Well, you're a popular girl.

Briana Donaldson: 18:00

Oh, well, I've moved a lot. I've lived a lot of places. So you, you know, you collect friends along the way. And you're a social girl. A social girl.

Briana Donaldson: 18:06

Yeah. But I wouldn't I wouldn't change the quality or the quantity of my friends for anything. I have zero regrets in terms of my friendship category, which I feel very grateful for. But I've worked hard to curate those relationships. And it's a consistent effort and energy that you put into the relationships that you do wanna hold on to and that you do wanna build and that you do wanna grow.

Briana Donaldson: 18:29

You have to commit to them just like you would a partnership. Well, I

Danielle Schleese: 18:32

think a great key takeaway from this is looking at losing a friendship as not a failure Mhmm. But as growth. Yeah. It's doesn't mean that you failed from that. Not at means that you're just growing in a different way.

Briana Donaldson: 18:47

Moving into new stages. And Yeah. It's all groovy, baby. Keep in mind.

Danielle Schleese: 18:52

Let's talk let's talk about us. Okay. Let's talk about

Briana Donaldson: 18:54

It's what we do best.

Danielle Schleese: 18:57

We really just did this just talk about us. No. Just kidding. I mean, we With this specific moment, we're gonna talk about us because this is about long distance friendships, and this is something that we Are experts in. Are experts in and and navigating that.

Danielle Schleese: 19:10

I mean, like we said, this wasn't a choice. I don't think it really ever is a choice because who if, as your best friend,

Briana Donaldson: 19:17

would you

Danielle Schleese: 19:17

want to live long distance?

Briana Donaldson: 19:19

You know, it's so great, though. I love that video. I feel I've seen it recreated a few times now on social media where it's like, I don't understand why people will move for their partners. Like, me for a girlfriend, you that boyfriend. Yeah.

Briana Donaldson: 19:36

Move for a spouse. But why don't we make it normal to move for a best friend? Oh, you know Like, my best friend had to move here for work. I'm gonna go to.

Danielle Schleese: 19:43

It was Victoria Brown, I think her name was her. Victoria Garrick. I don't know. She's like, she's a TikTok influencer and she Okay. Was talking about, like, she was a volleyball player and she she got became famous on as an influencer for, like, body positivity and body image.

Danielle Schleese: 19:56

And she was on a podcast, and she was saying, like because her best friend just married one of her husband's best friends.

Briana Donaldson: 20:02

Oh, how great.

Danielle Schleese: 20:02

Why don't we just normalize moving for our best friends? I think that was I think pretty sure

Briana Donaldson: 20:07

it was her. Okay. Well, I've seen, like, some videos recreated about us. So maybe that's where it all stemmed from, though. It's true.

Briana Donaldson: 20:14

It's true. So I obviously had

Danielle Schleese: 20:16

to question, move Brianna.

Briana Donaldson: 20:17

I obviously had to move to another country for my now husband's work, which at the time he was my boyfriend. Mhmm. And then I moved 500 times after that. And it really wasn't until this stage of my life that I can choose where or we can choose where we wanna live because it was always based on his job and his career, and we had to flounce around all over the place Mhmm. Which was incredibly difficult.

Briana Donaldson: 20:47

I will never forget the day that he got traded from the Toronto Blue Jays to Cleveland. And I we were having a girls night, all the goddess girls at my house in Toronto. And I found out you guys helped me pack up the whole house. We had to literally We

Danielle Schleese: 21:05

were supposed to go to Ed Sheeran concert that night.

Briana Donaldson: 21:07

I know. Oh my gosh. That's right. We had to cancel the concert

Danielle Schleese: 21:10

because coax us with tickets and said, surprise. We're moving. Like, damn. Alright.

Briana Donaldson: 21:14

Well, I didn't know. I know. You guys were there when got the call, and I was my heart sank because it it made me realize that was the moment in time that I realized that I was never gonna live in Canada again. That's how it felt. I was like, oh my gosh.

Briana Donaldson: 21:33

Like because he's American. Once he gets traded to an American team, like, I'm there. Mhmm. That I'd like, we're in The United States. And I remember packing up the car and driving off the next day.

Briana Donaldson: 21:48

And as I was driving, I actually had to pull over because I was crying so hard that I couldn't see. Really? I was, like Aw. Beside myself because I had this realization that, like, oh my gosh. Like, now I'm gone forever.

Briana Donaldson: 22:03

And I had to call my mom. And I was just, like, sobbing. And she was like, it's gonna be okay. Just take it one day at a time. Like, get there, get settled in.

Briana Donaldson: 22:11

And I had to do that car ride two days in a row. Load up the car, drive it there, drop the car off, unload everything, fly back, get a rental truck, pack that up, drive that. And both car trips were just like, thankfully, had my dog with me, my support dog. But I those two car rides were like some of the most key memories in my life of understanding that I was now going to live a totally different life.

Danielle Schleese: 22:41

And you were going to be Yeah. A long distance

Briana Donaldson: 22:45

And and that was so hard for me. Like, of course, I was sad to be away from my family too. That was a big component of it. But to think that I was not gonna have life with you, Very hard, very hard realization to have. And then we did it.

Briana Donaldson: 23:01

And here we are because we put in the effort. Yeah. And we made sure that we made time for calls. And we made sure that we made time for the relationship. And we put the energy and effort into caring about each other and calling each other and sending each other 800 memes and reels.

Briana Donaldson: 23:18

Still to this day.

Danielle Schleese: 23:19

Still do. Send it to

Briana Donaldson: 23:20

in the other room. I know. That's great.

Danielle Schleese: 23:23

And I like it. Yeah. You do. You literally called me from the bedroom like, a package is outside. I'm like, perfect.

Danielle Schleese: 23:29

Yeah. That's great. But it it doesn't mean that it's easy.

Briana Donaldson: 23:34

No. It doesn't mean that it's easy. It takes an incredible amount

Danielle Schleese: 23:37

of energy and effort to maintain relationships. Let's break it down for people who wanna know how to maintain long distance friendships because, obviously, there's nothing like the energy you share with somebody when you're with them in a room. And this would be my ideal situation as we've clarified by now how much I would love for us to live together. But if you're in a position with a friend, like job, career, just just geographic reasons Yeah. That you cannot live together or sorry.

Danielle Schleese: 24:04

Not together. See where my brain's at? I mean, can't be close in vicinity, then there's definitely certain things you can do or you have to do to maintain a closeness such as setting oh, something that's really changed for us since we've really started doing this is like, yeah, we have our group of goddess calls, which is like a virtual group of our closest friends meeting once a month ideally. But with each other, we've really set us, like, a sacred time apart every week to talk and just catch up. And no matter what, like, if you had a bad day or something's happening, we still show up for each other Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 24:41

And respect that time and just check-in. And sometimes the calls are long. Sometimes they're really short. Sometimes we postpone it to the next day, but it's always Commitment. Making it, like, safer time.

Danielle Schleese: 24:52

Yeah. And having that commitment, video calls, voice notes Yeah. Texts, phone calls, but, like, having that space and that time set apart is huge. So I think making sure you you do those things as a first step Very maintain long distance friendship

Briana Donaldson: 25:07

is required. Intentional communication. Yeah. Like, you're going into your communication with intention Yeah. Because you want it to thrive.

Briana Donaldson: 25:17

Also, one of the best things that I have loved over the last couple years is planning all the trips.

Danielle Schleese: 25:25

Oh my gosh. They're so fast.

Briana Donaldson: 25:27

Just have to plan trips to either either either. Easer? Easer or? You have to plan trips to either visit each other or go on a trip and meet somewhere. Even if it's, like, two nights, it's just so healing for the soul.

Briana Donaldson: 25:42

Well, luckily, you

Danielle Schleese: 25:43

and Jordan both had, like, back to back bachelorettes, so that was, like, a summer of Yeah. Freedom. Amazingness. And, like, all the girls, it was just such a good vibe. Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 25:52

Good trip. It was hard to have, like, one on one even though I did get to share a bed with you. Yep. It was hard to have one on one combos the time because you're, like, always in a group of girls, and it's like bachelorettes are very busy. But it was just it was such a good trip, and that's when we're like, no matter what, every year, minimum one to two trips.

Danielle Schleese: 26:09

Like, it has to happen. And When the baby Since then, we have. Yeah. Or even before then because, like, remember when it was your birthday, we would, like we we flew down when Aubrey was six months. Oh my gosh.

Danielle Schleese: 26:20

Yes. We did last summer too.

Briana Donaldson: 26:22

Yeah. For my birthday. Yeah. Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 26:24

Well, two great trips. This summer, last summer. Very key. And every time you do those trips, it's kind of like, oh, it seems like daunting to to plan it and all these things, but it is, like, the best thing. I remember I was on a high after you guys left this summer for, like, two weeks after that.

Danielle Schleese: 26:41

And I was just like, I love that trip so much.

Briana Donaldson: 26:43

I know. Me too. I did too. Yeah. It was great.

Briana Donaldson: 26:46

So trips are key. Commit to it. Celebrate each other's wins.

Danielle Schleese: 26:52

Yeah. That's really

Briana Donaldson: 26:53

I think it's really big also because I do feel and, you know, I think we've touched on this so many times, but I do feel like women, like, there's just just like They get impacted in Underlying a sub conscious competition even with your own friends sometimes. And I think that true deep loving friendship is when you're fully celebrating each other

Danielle Schleese: 27:18

Yes.

Briana Donaldson: 27:19

And really celebrating each other's wins because that's huge. That's so huge. And if you feel like you don't have that in your life, do it for other women. It will come back to you.

Danielle Schleese: 27:28

And the last point, which is the evolution, which that's a good point because your friendship go it's like your friendship goes through cycles. Like, sometimes you're attached at the hip, but also, like, our friendship, we've gone through so many cycles together. Like, we've gone from being preteens, so you're having, like, every other night together after school. And other than school and your extracurricular, that's your life. Right?

Danielle Schleese: 27:54

And weekends or if you're on other sports teams. And then we had our teenage years together where it's like you have a little bit more taste of freedom.

Briana Donaldson: 28:02

We had worked together. We had call.

Danielle Schleese: 28:04

To work together. We're chosen to we chose to live together. And, like, each phase of those is, a different degree and closeness of friendship. And then, obviously, we both get into relationships, then we both live with our partners, and then we're, like, no longer roommates, but we're roommates with them. But then we're also close in the city together, so we still see each other, but not in the the way.

Danielle Schleese: 28:23

Yeah. So there's, like, so many phases that we went through Mhmm. And evolution steps. So I think that that's also a huge point to acknowledge is that your friendship will evolve Yeah. To what it's meant to be, whether that is to to be faded away and move on or it's to grow.

Danielle Schleese: 28:42

And if you can and if you really intentionally, like you said, set the bar of you wanna be have this person and this friend in your life, you need to kinda meet all these points and be these things for them too. But it is like having a relationship, and that's what you and I always say

Briana Donaldson: 28:55

together too. It's like, basically, like a relationship. Yeah. Because it is.

Danielle Schleese: 29:00

It is a type of relationship. Type of relationship. Yeah. So recognizing the evolution that it goes through and respecting that evolution is a huge component. So I would say those major four things probably are, like, the baseline to maintaining a long distance friendship and really deepening that bond and keeping it alive, actually.

Briana Donaldson: 29:20

For sure. Well, I feel like to recap on today's topic, I think that some of the key points are that deep friendship requires connection, vulnerability, and commitment.

Danielle Schleese: 29:35

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 29:36

Whether you're in the same vicinity or not, it's gonna require those things. Yeah. Some friendships are meant to last, some just aren't, and that's okay. And it's okay to surrender to some of the things that have let go and let go of the guilt that goes along with that relationship or with that friendship that that didn't last, whatever that looks like for you. What's what would you say the hardest part about being long distance with each other is?

Briana Donaldson: 30:04

I mean, for me, it's very different than for you. For me, the hardest part is feeling lonely. Like, I weirdly have gotten probably really used to feeling lonely. I think that everywhere I've gone, I've had no friends and no family for so many years that the hardest thing for me was always feeling super isolated and super alone. But I'm very grateful because like you were saying, I feel like we've created moments and and routines to where I'm still feeling and getting that connection, is so crucial and vital for me.

Briana Donaldson: 30:45

So I would say that's definitely my hardest part. And so I feel so grateful we're working on this project. That gives me that sense of, you know, connection. Our goddess calls, our weekly calls, and and all the other video messaging in between with our group.

Danielle Schleese: 31:01

I think for me, the the thing that's the hardest for having you as my long distance best friend is just not being able to hang out when I want to. I'm just like, I just I can't just drive and see you. I can't just go to your house. And especially now that I have, like, this community that I've, like, I'm building where my girlfriends, my best friends, my sister are, other than you and Jordan, are literally, like, doors down apart from me walking distance. I'm like, my life would feel so complete if you were there because I'm just like, I could walk to your house and we can hang out.

Danielle Schleese: 31:33

And it just like it feels like when you were there in the summer, it would give me like a taste of what it could be like. And I was like, this could be life every single day. Perfect. So I think that's the hardest thing for me is like not actually being able to be in person with you because I can pick up and call you on the phone, but it's Not the same. The time of day, the kids, this and that, and then it's nighttime or exhausted.

Danielle Schleese: 31:51

You wanna rest. You need your space. And it's like you're on the phone and you're like, okay. Like Gotta go. It's different.

Danielle Schleese: 31:56

Yeah. It's just different. So I just I miss having you to hang out. So it's been so nice these last few weeks because we've just been having, like, life together again. And like we were saying the other day, you get to watch each other's kids' personalities, really, like, thrive and, like, really get to know each other's kids in a way that I don't think we really can Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 32:14

From afar. So, like, I feel like that, to me having you long distance makes me feel like I'm missing Yeah. Out on you. And, honestly, I'm fucking jealous of Josh because he gets to spend all this time with you. And I here I am, like, hello.

Danielle Schleese: 32:26

Can you just be my wife so we can spend time together?

Briana Donaldson: 32:29

Like, Jesus Christ.

Danielle Schleese: 32:30

Samezies. So that's definitely the hardest part for me. And especially when it was because you've been so part of my life for so long that it's it's difficult. I mean, I'm used to it now because it's been, like, what, eight years of, like, kind of this Yeah. Back in Europe in Canada here and there for extended periods of time.

Danielle Schleese: 32:46

And, again, we both have our families and and live in different spaces. But Yeah. You feel like

Briana Donaldson: 32:51

a part of you is missing

Danielle Schleese: 32:53

I do.

Briana Donaldson: 32:53

In your way from each other.

Danielle Schleese: 32:54

I do.

Briana Donaldson: 32:55

I know I love you.

Danielle Schleese: 32:55

It's hard. I love you so much. I don't wish long distance friends upon anybody. Fucking hard. It's like a long distance relationship too.

Briana Donaldson: 33:04

Say distance makes the heart grow fonder. Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 33:07

It does. Makes it annoyed too. Yeah. I agree. But anyway Either way, we're figuring it out.

Danielle Schleese: 33:12

Figured out. Here we are. We're proud of us. We're in person. We're strong stronger than ever.

Danielle Schleese: 33:16

I mean, look at every time I'm with you, it's not even like a day has passed. So Yeah. And I hope

Briana Donaldson: 33:21

that our friendship and what we've implemented in our friendship and the reflection of our friendship can hopefully help other women, like, find ways to deepen their friendship bonds. And

Danielle Schleese: 33:33

Yes. And I also wanna know Yes. I wanna know what other women's breakup stories are with their friends. I wanna know what your your fadeaway stories are. I wanna know how you manage your long distance best friends, like, giving your stories Tips and tricks.

Danielle Schleese: 33:47

Tell us stuff. We wanna we wanna know Yeah. Your juicy deets, and we wanna connect.

Briana Donaldson: 33:52

So find us on Apple, Spotify, YouTube Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 33:55

All major platforms. All major platforms. This is also a video podcast, so if you guys wanna come hang out with

Briana Donaldson: 34:00

us virtually, please do. And we hope to hear from you Yeah. On your friendships and what that looks like for you.

Danielle Schleese: 34:07

Thanks so much for watching. See you guys next time.